


In The Diary of Remus Lupin

by faked_my_death



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Pre-Canon, Pre-Prisoner of Azkaban, Sad Ending, Sad Remus Lupin, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-28 00:23:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13892292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faked_my_death/pseuds/faked_my_death





	In The Diary of Remus Lupin

Remus John Lupin had many secrets that he had accumulated throughout his life and this is complete list that he kept in the dark part of his mind. 

1) When he was three years old he stole his neighbors’ cat from their back yard. He named it Snuffles and kept it in his room for over a week. Everyday at dinner he would hide leftover food in his pocket and bring it to her when he went to bed. He adored the cat very much and was sad when his mother found it. She made him return it to their neighbors and apologize before she gave him a beating. 

2) He was five years old when he was tucked into bed and woke up as a werewolf. 

3) When he was eight the lonely boy told his new neighbor that he was a werewolf. The old lady invited him inside for a cup of tea. She carefully warned him to not tell of his secret and helped him understand things that his parents never explained to him. Later that night his mother found out and gave him the worst beating of his life. .

4) He was eleven years old when he made his first friends and he was terrified. He was so afraid of them finding out what his was that he tried his best to ignore them. When that plan didn’t work and they grew on him he was afraid of losing his first and only friends. Slowly he allowed himself to enjoy the companionship, telling himself that his mother doesn’t have to know. 

5) He knew by the time that he was thirteen that he was different and not just because he was a werewolf. He knew that he liked boys the same way that he liked girls. He knew that most people didn’t feel that way about both. He figured it out when he was just looking at the wrong players during Quidditch matches. 

6) It wasn’t until he was fifteen years old that he figured out that he was in love with his best friend, Sirius. He felt guilty that he was thinking of him like that. 

7) He lost his virginity to a lad that he met at a pub in London. He was an older man and he hurt Remus a lot, but he never spoke of it to anyone even though it made him want to cry. Even though he felt unclean during this part of his life. 

8) During his last year of Hogwarts he started dating the love of his life. They kissed behind the curtains surrounding Remus’ bed behind all of their friends backs. 

9) He was only twenty-one when he lost everything. All he had was an empty flat, new wounds from transformations, and a funeral to plan. 

10) By the time he turned twenty-two his just didn’t want to live anymore. 

11) He had planned to break into Azkaban. He had every little detail made and was willing to even die if it meant he was able to see Sirius one more time. 

12) When he came to his senses he checked himself into a mental hospital where he spent his days rotting in a room just like Sirius. The only difference is that Lupin was able to temporarily check out for full moons. 

13) He found a nice girl who took up his time. She was from a broken home, supported werewolves, and had a fiery attitude. She had long black hair and gray eyes. He knew that it would have made his parents happy. He knew that it was what he should have been doing, moving on. 

14) One night when she was sleeping tucked into his side he finally accepted the fact that she was exactly like Sirius. 

15) That same night he packed his things and left her. 

16) He went through a phase of surviving by sleeping with different people at their flat, eating breakfast with them, then going to another pub to find a new person to woo. 

17)He slept with many married men and women, some of which even had kids. 

18) He was there on platform 9 ¾ the day Harry talked to a large red headed family to get on to the platform. He waited for a hour as he tried to push the memories of the train, the school, and the people out of his mind. When he saw the boy he saw the small build of the lonely boy and disapparated before he broke down crying. 

19) He cried right in front of Dumbledore when he offered him a job and once again when he first stepped into the school. Then again after the first day of teaching.

20) He knew that Sirius was going to break out before he did and he didn’t do anything about it. After, he knew exactly where and how he was hiding. Again, he didn’t do anything about it. 

21) When he saw the love of his life again he wasn’t sure if he really fit into the title. He knew that it wasn’t the same Sirius and he knew that he wasn’t the same Remus. He knew that in another universe, another timeline, they would still be together. It just wasn’t meant to be in this universe though.


End file.
